Straight to the Essential
Marissa and her fiancé's wedding is on hold. In the space of silence and uncertainty, here is what she discovers.
On April 26, I am supposed to be getting married. I should be wearing a white dress, surrounded by 130 of my closest friends and family while the new life of spring blossoms around us.
But there is a different plan for us, as is the case for so many couples around the world. The pandemic has forced us to postpone our wedding, for now until July, but reality is suggesting it may be longer. As the week of our would-be wedding is upon us, so is the sadness of loss. My fiancé and I are blessed that we are healthy, employed, working from home, and our families are safe. But I’m still grieving the loss of what would have been a day of love and joy, planned in detail for the past year. I have pictured getting ready with my closest girlfriends and my mother, walking down the aisle and seeing so many familiar and precious faces, and then the face of my beloved seeing me for what would feel like the first time. Now, April 26 will be another quiet day inside our apartment, wondering what to do next with our abundant time.
The loss has forced me to look our destiny in the eye, straight to what is most essential. Is it about the party? The number of people? The dress and the flowers? The experience has clearly revealed to me: no; it’s not about those things. What is essential is my vocation to this man to whom I must continue to say "yes," even in our state of limbo. Even if we end up having to marry with none of the external beauty we planned—no flowers, no cake, no string duo playing Bach, with only two witnesses—true beauty will still be there. God will be there, affirming our "yes" to one another and to Him. If I believe all that I’ve been taught over the years, I must believe this.
This period of stillness has also caused me to take a new journey inward, to find the peace of Christ dwelling within me. I am finding quiet in ways I couldn’t in the “old world,” where daily errands and mobile notifications were constant distractions. There is less urgency for accomplishments now, but more urgency to stay in silence and stillness, where He is waiting for me. By returning to the One who waits patiently for me, I am learning to patiently wait for the fulfillment of God’s plan in my life and that of my fiancé’s.
Marissa, Los Angeles, California