In This Moment
A Memor Domini recounts another black moment--and the answer that transformed it.
I am a Memor Domini. I am wondering what the current situation asks of me specifically.
In the middle of the vertiginous bleakness that the entire world is experiencing--the future is black, nobody knows what the immediate and distant future will look like, and this is terrifying--I am reminded of a similar experience that I went through at a personal level twelve years ago (almost to the date). It was when, after a stress test, I was left in a hospital emergency room for three hours alone (no phones were admitted in that room), with these words: "Sir, you have a serious problem with your heart. We do not know what it is, but we know that you are in danger of death. Let’s wait to see what the coronography will say. For the time being, you will be under strict surveillance."
In that moment everything went black. Like today. After some time of profound panic (it was as if I were in a dream in which everything was crumbling apart), a question and a simple answer came up from my guts: But what am I? Who am I? I am a Memor Domini. So, no matter what my future will look like, if any, in this very moment Christ is asking me to recognize Him as the Lord, in this very hospital room, in this unique present instant of history. Then, Veni Sancte Spiritus, Veni Per Mariam.
I remember that, in a moment, in that moment, everything turned from black to clear.
Three things happened: I experienced the closeness of His presence as never before in my life. Second, I realized that if my life is meaningful in the present, because I could accomplish the task for which it has been given to me, the future may not be so scary. And third, the surroundings (the room, the technology, the doctors, the nurses, the other sick people) became interesting, valuable, because, in a very true sense, I was sent by the Mystery to those surroundings to become the point of awareness of those surroundings.
So, I am reminded, in these black circumstances: What am I? I am a Memor Domini. What is the supreme and only contribution my life can give? It is recognizing Him as the Lord of reality (yes, also of this terrible new virus). Here. Now. Veni Sancte Spiritus, Veni Per Mariam. Nothing more, nothing less. I am curious to see what the gift of this desired awareness can bring in the narrow surroundings (yet bigger than a hospital room) where I am called to spend my present life for many more days to come.